Things I'm Addicted To

Don't judge me

Having no job means no money. No money means I can't do shit besides sit at home and wish I was out. I also sometimes try and guilt my mom into buying me Taco Bell where I shame eat alone in my room and watch other people be happy on Netflix. C'est la vie!

My point is: I have nothing to really write about at the moment. So, I've come up with a list of weird things I'm addicted to. Hopefully others find these just as addicting, otherwise, I'm just a giant weirdo and all my sneaking suspicions that I'm too weird are correct. Probably the latter. Fuck.

Onto the list:

• Q-Tips, the number one thing you shouldn't do with these cotton angels is stick them in your ear and rub them around for that joyous eargasam. I used to do it at least twice a day because I cannot stand when my ears feel dirty. I also used to get a massive ear infection at least every other month. My tonsils and adenoids were removed because my ENT doctor told me that was the reason for my ear infections. Hahaha, major surgery because I'm a freaking weirdo. 

• Dyeing my hair, killing it with bleach and then drowning it in hair masks once a month (or when I remember and feel like it.) Give me all the colors and all the shades. I've wanted lilac hair for the longest time. Rose gold hair to make my eyes pop. But I'm an adult now and can't do that shit anymore. I have to stick to the normal colors like brown and blonde and red. 

• Cheese. Must I explain this one?

• Collecting weird things and never using them. I just cleaned out my trunk because I have a Groupon for a car detailing and need my car empty. I fucking found plastic golf clubs in there. I bought them in college to play mini golf in the dorms. No one ever wanted to play mini golf with me. Am I weird? Who the fuck doesn't wanna play mini golf? I also had a trident I made with a broom handle and cardboard stacked and cut to look like the top, all spray painted gold. It's cool as fuck, you can't even judge me for that one. 

• Star Wars. I wouldn't say it's an unhealthy obsession, but probably more bad than good. I could be minding my own business on Facebook and a god damn advertisement comes by like, "Star Wars character necklace HALF OFF!" Oh, fuck me sideways, HALF? There's no way I can't at least look at what they have to offer. As I sit there with my Millennium Falcon necklace on and a R2-D2 necklace hanging off my dresser with my BB-8 ring chilling on the shelf above me and the multitude of themed earrings sitting in my jewelry box with even more on my Amazon wishlist. I have my life in order, obviously. Just let me go eat popcorn out of my Stormtrooper head bowl and drink out of my Darth Vader cup. Did my Death Star ball roll behind the couch again? Why does my friend still have my Ewok stuffed animal? My Ewok tattoo is bigger than my Millennium Falcon tattoo, the Lightsaber one I eventually get has to be the same size as the Ewok I think. WHERE IS MY SECOND CHEWY STUFFED ANIMAL?! I've said too much. 

I think we are done here.